Author: misterjazzmaster

i'm destinee. I think i'm funny.

lonely-gfd-cutie:

So at one of my jobs I work with this really nice woman named Liz who has an equally nice boyfriend. Thing is, I don’t know the boyfriends name because Liz only addresses him as boytoy. The term boytoy is used so frequently to describe him that not only does she have no problem using that term but neither do any of her coworkers including myself. One day Liz told me that he would be stopping by and when some dude with a beard came through the door I looked at him and said, “Mr.toy I presume.” And he just looks at me and goes; “The very one.” 

Fucking eh. Relationship goals.

mintamenapie:

Shout out to all your internet friends who are gone.

Those messenger screen names that haven’t logged on in ages, some before detailed profiles were a thing on those services.

Those emails that are long since abandoned, some with domains that no longer exist.

Those online friends you knew years ago and who then helped shaped you in some way, who you just can’t FIND anymore.

Those people who once were, and hopefully still exist IRL, that seem to have no known internet life anymore.

And those who have actually passed on, and their online lives are now a memorial to them.

I miss you all. I hope life is/was kind to you, and maybe one day, we’ll somehow connect again.

turing-tested:

turing-tested:

there’s nothing purer or better than how much kids enjoy being picked up and then hurled at soft surfaces

anyone who’s ever been around kids for ay meaningful amount of time should know exactly how much kids long to be hefted up and then just fuckin tossed! it’s so good! they’re so excited to get fucking tossed around like a sack of potatoes it’s so pure