Are you fucking kidding me? Like, no, Shakespeare wouldn’t tweet a sonnet cause 140 characters is a bit short for that. Wrong medium. But you know what he would have? A very active twitter FULL OF DICK PUNS AND YOUR MOM JOKES okay. (And probably also a blog for the sonnets and longer works, that cross-posts links to twitter anyway.)
Get out of here with that pretentious anti-technology bullshit.
He’d rock the fuck out of memes. Don’t deny it.
Exit, pursued by a doge.
much run wow
I don’t understand people who try to make Shakespeare into a pretentious thing cause he was basically an uneducated dick-joke making dude for the common masses. His historical plays are straight up fanfiction. There’s a scene in Macbeth where two guards are having a conversation as a dude pees on a wall. Get out of here with your Shakespeare snobbery.
ALL OF THIS
Also, the comment ‘Exit, pursued by a doge’ alone makes this worth reblogging 😀
Heck, the line that’s based on, “Exit, pursued by bear”, only exists because Shakespeare couldn’t think of any other way to get rid of the character, so opted to have him attacked by a bear, which did not exist in the play before that moment.
He literally made a bear appear out of thin air, just to kill off a character, purely due to writer’s block.
“And then the bear gets him”
“…
…
The
The bear?”
“Yes the bear”
“Will
Will there isn’t a bear in this play
Where did the bear come from”
“A PLACE
And he exits the play pursued by it
It’s happening make me a bear costume”
“it’s happening make me a bear costume” lmao
Shakespeare even wrote Yo Mama jokes, like this delight from Titus Andronicus.
CHIRON: Thou has undone our mother. AARON: Villain, I have done thy mother.
• Make a fist with your thumb outside, not tucked inside. If it’s tucked inside your fist, when you punch someone, you might break your thumb. The thumb goes across your fingers, not on the side.
• Don’t be like in the movies—don’t aim for the face. Face punches don’t usually stop people, and you can miss when they duck their head or break your hand on their jaw. If you want to get away quickly, or end a fight, aim for the chest, or the ribs. If you really want to do some damage, e.g., you’re being attacked, aim for the throat, which will make it hard for your attacker to breathe for a hot minute.
• When you punch, you want to aim and hit with your first two knuckles. Not the flats of your fingers, and not your ring or pinky knuckles, which can break more easily. You can use your weight, if you’re on your feet, to add wallop, and spring into a punch with your feet and torso.
Useful information, esp. if you haven’t taken self defense.
I reblogged this once before to add this and I’ll do it again…
keep your wrist straight.
You can also risk breaking your wrist if you allow it to bend. I actually can’t believe this isn’t in there.
Other good pointers:
if your attacker is male, go for his junk – especially if he’s wearing loose pants. There’s no sportsmanship when it comes to assault so fuck them balls UP
punching pretty much ANYWHERE in the face is going to actually hurt you a LOT (just think – you’re punching your bones into their bones and ow). If you’re going for the face, my suggestion is to strick upwards with your palm.
see that meaty portion highlighted in red? There’s a lot of muscle and fat right there which makes it excellent for striking. Hold your hand as shown and aim for the nose or chin (though I’ve been told in extreme circumstances, doing this to the nose can be fatal but I’ve never really heard if this is true or not) and just aim upwards
other delicate areas:
the shin (hurts like a bitch if you kick it right – also, you can hit this spot if you’re being held in a choke-hold and if your attacker has to move in order to stop you from kicking him, he’ll have to angle his body so as to expose his stomach and crotch to the wild spastic jabbings of your elbows)
the solar plexus (either jab while holding your hand in a sort of spear position or use your elbows – unless you’re super strong, your punch probably won’t wind your attacker. Your elbow or a spear hand will, however)
Originally in (most) martial arts, you hit the solar plexus because it supposedly contained an important chakra. Now we know that it actually also contains like a bunch of necessary organs that are exposed just below your ribs and is also (roughly) where your diaphragm lives so getting punched there is not pleasant.
the clavicle (from experience, getting hit in your clavicle HURTS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER. If you strike downwards with your knuckles, the person might just cry. Like I did.)
the ear (this is probably the best place to punch besides the throat. It’s all cartilage so it probably won’t hurt you all that much and most people will be like “DUDE YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE EAR WHAT THE HELL”)
the kidneys (this is harder to hit without training but if you somehow get your attacker’s back to face you, try to hit’em in the kidneys. Again, from experience, this FUCKING HURTS. You can’t really hit the kidneys from the front with any effect but from the back it is super painful)
if you’re held in a choke-hold, try turning your head so the forearm isn’t pressed into your throat. If you can position yourself right, you can sort of force your chin into the crook of the elbow, making you able to still receive (limited) oxygen and provide time for you to kick some shins or elbow some spleens and shit
-Also, remember that a guy’s junk is not an off-button. Don’t think that you can rely on a swift kick to the balls to immediately incapacitate him in an emergency. Adrenaline and anger can keep somebody going for a long time even through extreme pain, and if you expect to end a fight with a single groin-attack you might be caught off-guard when he doesn’t drop. Certainly go for it if you get the chance, but keep hitting him until the fight is over.
-Draw blood if you can, especially if you can draw it from the face or the eyes. Blood in the eyes is not just a good way to impair your attacker’s vision, it’s also a really good way to freak them out and let them know that they might be getting more than they bargained for by picking a fight with you.
-Elbows and knees are really powerful weapons. Elbows are very sharp and very strong and if you are in close-range they are often more effective than trying to throw a punch.
-Yelling and shouting makes you scary.
Nothing much to add to this, it’s pretty much all there. So. Reblog. Oh, also, it’s really easy to break a nose – go for the eyes too. All it takes to avoid a shot to the throat is tucking your chin.
Also, that part about the ear – don’t punch. An open hand over the ear hurts a lot.
Tumblr teaching me how to fuck a bitch up
Also if you fuck up their face it’ll be easier for police to identify the attacker.
If someone gets you from behind and you cant punch them, go for the underside of the upper-arm. A bad pinch there is legit so painful because that skin is super sensitive. Also this cant be stressed enough, if the attacker is a guy then fucking rip his junk off.
If I remember correctly, Poland’s secret is that the jews where being blamed all over europe (as usual) as scapegoats for the black plague. Poland was the only place that accepted Jewish refugees, so pretty much all of them moved there.
Now, one of the major causes of getting the plague was poor hygiene. This proved very effective for the plague because everyone threw their poop into the streets because there were no sewers, and literally no one bathed because it was against their religion. Unless they were jewish, who actually bathed relatively often. When all the jews moved to Poland, they brought bathing with them, and so the plague had little effect there.
Milan survived by quarantining its city and burning down the house of anyone showing early symptoms, with the entire family inside it.
I reblogged this tons of times, but the Milan info is new.
Damn Italy, you scary.
Poland:“Hey, feeling a bit down? Have a quick wash! There, you see? All better”
Milan: “Aw, feeling a bit sick are we? BURN MOTHERFUCKER, BURN!!!!!”
Also, this might have something to do with it: from what I understand, O blood type is uncommonly… common in Poland. Something to do with large families in small villages and a LOT of intermarriage. The black plague was caused by a bacterium that produced, in its waste in the human body, wastes that very closely mimic the “B” marker sugars on red blood cells that keep the body from attacking its own immune system. Anyone who has a B blood type had an immune system that was naturally desensitized to the presence of the bacterium, and therefore was more prone to developing the disease. Anyone who had an O type was doubly lucky because the O blood type means the total absence of ANY markers, A or B, meaning that their bodys’ immune system would react quickly and violently against the invaders, while someone with an A may show symptoms and recover more slowly, while someone with B would have just died. Because O is a recessive blood type, it shows in higher numbers when more people who carry the recessive genes marry other people who also carry the recessive gene. Poland, which has a nearly 700 year history of being conquered by or partnering with every other nation in the surrounding area, was primarily an agricultural country, focused around smaller, farming communities where people were legally tied to, and required to work, “their” land, and so historically never “spread” their genes across a large area. The economy was, and had been, unstable for a very long period of time leading up to the plague, the government had been ineffective and had very little reach in comparison to the armies of the other countries around for a very very long time, and so its people largely remained in small communities where multiple generations of cross-familial inbreeding could have allowed for this more recessive gene to show up more frequently. Thus, there could be a higher percentage of O blood types in any region of the country, guaranteeing less spread of the illness and moving slower when it did manage to travel. Combine this with the fact that there were very few large, urban centers where the disease would thrive, and with the above facts, and you’ve got a lovely recipe for avoiding the plague.
Interestingly enough, as a result from the plague, the entirety of Europe now has a higher percentage of people with O blood type than any other region of the world.
WHY IS THIS ALL SO COOL
When Tumblr teaches you more about the plague than 12 years of school ever did.
Just to throw a nod in, as a medieval historian, this is all credible, and is the leading theory as to the plagues effectiveness at this point. So. Enjoy your new knowledge!
Once I worked as an intern in the state capital. One of the representatives I worked for was this middle-aged guy. And he hated the tampon and napkin machines in the women’s bathrooms. Hated them. He insisted that they weren’t necessary.
I found out why after I’d been working there, oh, about a month. My period started suddenly, as it sometimes does, and I asked to excuse myself to go to the ladies’ room. He wanted to know why. I told him.
He started ranting about how lazy women were. How we wasted time. How we were so careless and unhygenic, and that there was no call for that. He finished by telling me that I certainly was NOT going to the ladies’ room and that I was just going to sit there and work. He finished this off with a decisive nod, as if I’d just been told and there could be no possible argument.
“If I don’t go,” I said in an overly patient tone, “the blood is going to soak through my pants, stain my new skirt that I just bought, and possibly get on this chair I’m sitting in. I need something to soak up the blood. That’s why I need to go to the bathroom.”
His face turned oatmeal-gray; an expression of pure horror spread across his face. He leaned forward and whispered, “Wait, you mean that if you don’t go, you’ll just keep on bleeding? I thought that women could turn it off any time that they wanted!”
I thought, You have got to be kidding.
Several horrified whispers later, I learned that he wasn’t. He actually thought a) that women could shut down the menstrual cycle at will, b) that we essentially picked a week per month to spend more time in the bathroom, i.e. to goof off, and c) that napkins and tampons were sex toys paid for by Health and Human Services. I didn’t know the term then, but he believed that tampons were dildos. Which was why he and a good number of his friends considered them luxuries.
And that’s how, at twenty, I had to give a talk on menstruation to a middle-aged married state representative who was one of my bosses. American politics, ladies and gentlemen.
Fun fact for Americans: our money is technically made of plastic and they won’t get wet/gross when you accidentally wash them, and you also can’t rip any bills.
Everybody is in love with canadian money, the thing is who isn’t?
The funniest thing ever is to see canadians try to use american money. One of my friends asked me “HOW DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHICH ONE IS WHICH?! THEY’RE ALL THE SAME COLOR!”
its called reading the numbers
americans learn at an early age to differentiate between the faces of old white men
Why is the queen of England on Canadian money?
Because England basically raised Canada until we were old enough to make our own decisions.
America left home super early
and made bad life choices as a result.
World history brought to you by rainbow money
Canadian money also melts when left in the sun too long and smells like Maple Syrup.
My friend thinks Dan and Phil have no talent and are famous for no reason like the Kardashians. I NEED TO PROVE THEM SOMETHING. PLEASE REBLOG. THEY ARE BOTH AMAZING. THEY WROTE A BOOK. THEY TRULY ARE AMAZING.
misterjazzmaster 