Author: misterjazzmaster

i'm destinee. I think i'm funny.

zodiacsociety:

Cancer facts: Your motivations are usually fueled by the need to create a stable family home. You aren necessarily ambitions unless you find your career a sense of home to you. You are far from superficial and, in the end, prefer to feel something rather than not feel anything real at all. It makes you feel like you’re not on some dry barren land but in the water, calm or tumultuous.

pettyrevenge:

Today I decided that I wanted to go see The Martian. I got there 50 minutes early and took my time picking the perfect spot. I decided to go the bathroom before the movie so I didn’t miss anything. On my way back with a soft pretzel in hand, I see a woman with her kids and she’s moving all of my stuff to a different seat so her and her kids can take my spot. I stomach it, grab my stuff and move to a different spot. While I’m sitting there eating my pretzel, I notice her and her kids all going to the bathroom. I seized the opportunity. I run, grab all their stuff, and move it to seats right in front of the entrance so they’ll see it as soon they walk in. The woman comes in, sees her stuff, looks at me, connects the dots, sees that all the other seats have been taken up, and now has been shooting me occasional death glances from the front row.