oh my god I remember, when I was a kid. I loved a bugs life (still do btw) and I remember seeing this fucking yaoi comic about flik(?) and hopper and I remember, as a kid, I got hella confused and asked myself “what?”
If i’m telling you, “this is a hot plate.” But I make no effort to put it down, i’m internally yelling at you to move your shit. Your phone. Your keys. Your bread. Whatever is directly in front of you is from that point on is now classified as your shit. The shit you are suddenly responsibly for and I am burning my hands for. Move your shit. I’m not going to move it for you.
Shoutout to the people who see me approaching with their food and immediately start clearing the way for me. You are the real MVPs. You know what’s up. You understand.
As for everybody else. Move. Your. Shit.
Me
We see that and we respect the fuck out of you. Thank you.
@randomdaisy dear herbologist what the fok is this corn dog plant
OH MY GOODNESS I SAW THIS ON TWITTER AND I WAS LIKE “OH NO…. DUDE… DUDE NO”
this plant is, in fact, a cattail (Typha genus, probably either Typha latifolia or Typha angustifolia). what’s ironic about this person’s encounter is that almost every single part of the cattail is edible– the rhizomes are starchy and, although tough, can be made into a nutritious flour; the stems can be peeled and used like asparagus; the pollen can be gathered and used to extend or supplement flour; and even the green flower spikes can be boiled and eaten like corn-on-the-cob, so this person sort of had the right idea.
the thing is, what this person has in their photo is a BROWN flower spike, meaning that it’s starting to go to seed and is probably a tasteless mouthful of either fiber or fluff. regardless of whether the post is a joke or serious, out of all the edible parts of the cattail, op managed to pick one of the ONLY parts of the plant that isn’t. and i still can’t get over that.
As a side note, rubbing that part of the plant makes an absolutely ridiculous amount of fluff come out (which is how it disperses the seeds). I highly recommend it but it’s probably best to do that when no one else is around
are you saying i can jack off this plant and it will nut
And my cousin, who’s like 12 is really sick and she’s been in bed for the past few days. She was able to come downstairs for some juice (cuz she’s dehydrated af lol I could see it) and she had on some sleeping shorts and a lil tank top. Which is normal for sleeping. And my other aunt’s opens the black hole that is her mouth and says “you need to put clothes on, my husband is here!”
So I was like “why is your husband looking at a twelve year old like that in the first place? 🤔 is there something we need to be worried about?”
misterjazzmaster 