gladiolus—amicitia:

almostawinchester:

freaksandtallymarks:

siriusly-not-over-remus:

aenramsden:

emnneryn:

I like to think that Rita Skeeter totally lost whatever renown she had after the war and so Harry and Ginny and the others like to pick up her stories for fun without worrying about the effect it’ll have on their image? Like Harry just idly turns a page every morning and goes, “Oh, we’re getting a divorce.”
And Ginny yawns as she fetches two coffee mugs and says, “Is it because I’m snogging Neville?”
“No,” says Harry, “it’s because I’m snogging Neville.”
And Ginny slams down her mug and says, “Goddamnit, Harry, let me have my affair in peace, would you?”

They have this sort of conversation in public, sometimes. Especially in places (the Leaky Cauldron, the Three Broomsticks, etc) where they know that it’ll get back to Skeeter.

I like to imagine that the kids get in on it as well. Like Albus and Scorpius can be over heard in the Great Hall with the latest Potter Family gossip

“Did you hear that your dad is leaving your mum for my father?”

“I thought mum was leaving dad for your mum, Scorp?”

“No that was last week. Your mum is with your aunt Luna right now.”

“Ah, my mistake. Pass the pumpkin juice.”

Please tell me that the cursed child was just another bullshit story that the kids fed to her.

New head-canon: Rita Skeeter wrote The Cursed Child.

I’ve been ignoring this post in my notifs for ages but this is now the only explanation for the Cursed Child that I will accept.

owlmylove:

sapphicshepard:

sapphicshepard:

sapphicshepard:

sapphicshepard:

i’ve definitely told you about this before but my dad and my uncle have this whole star wars vs star trek rivalry where they’ll get each other passive aggressive gifts (my dad is a star wars fan, and will always get my uncle star wars merch. my uncle claims star trek is so much better and star wars is lame. he will always get my father star trek merch. this has been going on since my parents got married.) 

this is going to be a good year for arguing 

my uncle just arrived. my mom shouted “kids, uncle rich is here!” my dad bellowed “MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU” down the stairs. my uncle shouted back “YOU CANT SEE IT BUT IM GIVING YOUR DOG THE VULCAN SALUTE” i love christmas here

dinner was alright until over dessert my dad brought up “so, richie, you see the new star wars movie” until it devolved into a wine fueled shouting match. highlights include “WELL AT LEAST WE DIDNT HAVE JAR JAR GODDAMNED BINKS” “AT LEAST WE DIDNT BLOW UP–” “YES YOU DID. FIRST MOVIE. YOU BLEW UP A PLANET” “shit”

this years argument, like every year before it, ended with “nice to see you.” and them slapping each other on the back which i think is a guy way of hugging goodbye.

this is the best thing i’ve ever seen

pagan-hulse:

shit-editor:

magic-owl:

lime-vodkaaa:

goodshinyhunter:

tripprophet:

weavemama:

ladies and gentlemen we have officially reached the “in case a nuclear attack happens” phase……. [x]

This shit is wild.

There should be an amber alert or something to warn us, hopefully. But if you’re so close to the blast that the entire outside flashes white your first priority is to get underneath the blastwave any way you can.

After that you have 2 options: drive away or protect yourself from the radiation.

Option one is tough because literally everybody else is going to want to do this, and you could get stuck right in the fallout. And lemme tell you, if you’re stuck out there when the ashes first fall for more than 15 minutes, you’re dead. Radiation poisoning.

Option two is harder, but has a better success rate. Get underground. Most houses have a crawlspace, but in this bad time just saw a fucking hole in your floor. Put table over hole. Pack some large containers (like tubs), with dirt, tight, and stack them on your table or wherever you’re going to be directly underneath. you need 36 inches if dirt to be protected from the radiation poisoning. You could preemptively buy lead and stick that in a container with a lot of serface area, i forget how many inches you need vertically.

How ever much serface area the dirt/metal/lead covers is how much you and your party will be able to move around. As long as there’s enough inches vertically you’ll be good so long as you stay under it.

You gotta stay under there for at least 2 weeks, 3 to be sure.

Also, if you can see the mushroom cloud, stick your arm out as far as you can. Do a thumbs-up and close one eye. If your thumb is bigger than the cloud, you are safe. If the cloud is bigger or the same size as your thumb, then that means you are in the radiation zone and should evacuate immediately.

I cannot believe I actually have to freaking reblog this but here y’all go just in case

Take a break from the humor for just a second and read this.

Sorry, what year is this again??

the-real-seebs:

amaranthica:

leggywillow:

That’s a face that says “I waited too long to correct this person so now everything is awkward and I’m really uncomfortable.”

Hey so I looked this up and it’s a joke post by a wildlife rehabilitation group! https://www.facebook.com/122334mommy/?hc_ref=ARS-GF9yIX9bpP3eu-UWcS9Rwn1_wFmJEaq7ulcsZILjI7I99TguM5lWcxeqQBJoy6M&fref=nf

They’d probably appreciate it if the source was known!

i am so, so, comforted that this is a joke post