blad-the-inhaler:

prettyokayray:

charlesoberonn:

The song “Jolene” but the singer never stops describing Jolene, going into more and more details and getting more and more disturbing until you’re not sure what Jolene is except that you’re afraid of her.

♪ your teeth are sharp / your mouth agape
your claws rend flesh / there’s no escape
from the judgement of the Eldritch One, Jolene ♪

He screams about you in his sleep
and when he wakes, does naught but weep
in terror, of the one they call Jolene

privileged-fucks:

starkids-tardis:

aparselmouthspatronous:

headfullofpotter:

headfullofpotter:

headfullofpotter:

headfullofpotter:

headfullofpotter:

headfullofpotter:

headfullofpotter:

headfullofpotter:

headfullofpotter:

I GOTTA GET BACK TO HOGWARTS

I GOTTA GET BACK TO SCHOOOL

I GOTTA GET MYSELF TO HOGWARTS

WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS IM COOOL

BACK TO WITCHES AND WIZARDS

AND MAGICAL BEASTS

TO GOBLINS AND GHOSTS

AND TO MAGICAL FEASTS

ITS ALL THAT I LOVE

AND IT’S ALL THAT I NEED

AT HOGWARTS HOGWARTS

I THINK I’M GOING BACK

TAKE MY FIREBOLT GUNNA TAKE TO THE SKY

by-bi-bye:

Someone: Just because it’s September 1st, it doesn’t mean you have to keep making AVPM references all day!

Me:

turing-tested:

homeiswherethestuckis:

turing-tested:

qothjock:

turing-tested:

childish gamzeeno

op which fingers are you intending to keep

your first mistake is assuming i have any to begin with

He typed this with his hooves.

put your limbs inside my fence i will not bite

silkarth:

unskinny:

Remember that reddit post that was going around several months ago about the dude who wanted an open relationship with his girlfriend because he wanted to date “hotter” women than his fat girlfriend but then when she agreed she was dating tons of hot guys and he couldn’t get a single woman to date him so he wanted to close the relationship because he thought it was unfair?

Sometimes I think about that and it gives me life.  

Here it is. Shit’s glorious.

blad-the-inhaler:

ladystud:

ruby-white-rabbit:

ruby-white-rabbit:

ruby-white-rabbit:

mrswinterbarnes:

ruby-white-rabbit:

ruby-white-rabbit:

iplemons:

ruby-white-rabbit:

ruby-white-rabbit:

ruby-white-rabbit:

ruby-white-rabbit:

ruby-white-rabbit:

There’s a turtle in my yard laying eggs

This bitch really gonna dump her kids on me and vamoose

I’m not ready to be a single mom

I know shit about reptiles

I had to put a stick next to the nest because she decided the MIDDLE of our yard was the primo spot to give birth

Mowing is gonna be interesting this summer

Meet the mother leaving her wildlife progeny under my city girl care

I’m googling turtles right now. I sent photos to my southern stepmom for help. Apparently she’s a box turtle?

70 DAYS UNTIL THEY HATCH??

You a mom now

Text from stepmom “watch out for foxes, cranes, raccoons, and snakes. They’ll eat the eggs so chase them off”

I’m gonna fistfight nature

@mrswinterbarnes you’re not wrong. When I came back from closing the barn doors she was gone. Nowhere in sight. I thought turtles were supposed to be slow

I was gone maybe ten minutes so first off, not even a goodbye??

I don’t think Box turtles return to their nest either, so until they hatch and dig out

YOU GONNA BE A MOMMA

DAMN IT SHARRON

First that bird makes its nursery in my bike basket on our porch and now this

Why am I becoming a wildlife nanny??

UPDATE

SHES BACK

NEVERMIND

ITS A DIFFERENT TURTLE

That’s two deadbeat turtle moms dropping their spawn on me

Call this one Susan

You’re like a really ticked-off nature witch who never signed up for this animal empath shit