Kinda wanna be a Bond Girl, kinda also wanna be James Bond
Both. Both is good.
PICTURE THIS:
A new actor has taken over the reigns of suave MI6 agent in a bespoke tux. We open as he yells into his coms trying to get an extraction for him and the woman he’s fleeing with. She seems to be handling the stairs really well for someone in hand-beaded couture that didn’t stop to take off her 5 inch heels, the audience has already accepted it because it’s a Bond movie.
They reach the roof where they see that their extraction is still too far off. The man immediately turns back to shoot at their pursuers, he manages to take out the evil henchman but then little does he know, the villain has decided to make an appearance THIS EARLY IN THE FILM. Our agent takes two to the chest and goes down for the count.
Every genre savvy person in the theater is convinced that there is no way a Bond Girl played by an unknown newcomer is going to make it past the cold open. She is unarmed and appropriately terrified and attempts to placate the villain, her ex, just long enough for him to get close enough to monologue something both sinister and douchey. He moves to cup her face, gloating, savoring his victory when she rips the weapon out of his hand and subdues him in three moves. Pressing her heel into his neck she trains the gun on him and checks her watch as the sound of helicopter blades grow louder. She looks down at him, stonefaced but just a little pleased with herself.
“Who the hell are you?”
“Bond. James Bond.”
Her gun-toting, evening gown-wearing silhouette is bathed in the helicopter light as rises past the roof of the building.
[ROLL OPENING THEME]
MY BODY IS READY
Published
misterjazzmaster 