Author: misterjazzmaster

i'm destinee. I think i'm funny.

squided:

sapphicnymph:

onlyblackgirl:

blackhipsteraesthetic:

allisonmoon:

That face is priceless.

this is why black people don’t fuck around in the wilderness. deer be falling out of trees and shit.

What kinda shit……

I love that there’s a warning for falling deer but nothing about “oh by the way there are LEOPARDS HERE maybe watch out for them too”

Imagine the person who demanded this sign be made. They were just chillin in the woods and suddenly a half eaten deer carcass falls right in front of them. I couldn’t imagine a more appropriate situation to piss yourself

siriusblaque:

narcissa malfoy was probably the most powerful occlumens in hogwarts history and nobody knew

she literally stood up to lord voldemort and lied that harry potter was dead and i don’t know about you but if i were an evil ruler i would probably want to triple-check that my nemesis was, you know, actually deceased

voldemort had actual doubts about snape

narcissa swans on by without a whisper, without a second glance

kateypops:

ophelia-tagloff:

need-a-cali-fit-bod:

lyricfanatic:

alexhimmighoefer:

konagrown:

brunette-curves:

Telling other girls that they look pretty is like cracking a glow stick full of positivity and female friendship

say out loud every nice thought you have

The other day at school, I told a girl I liked her umbrella, and it surprised her so much, that she loudly blurted “they’re on sale at Target!!!” and it was just funny and cute.

Yesterday I was boarding my plane home and I just had to tell the stewardess that I loved her hair! Glorious, multicolored curly natural afro and just as I’m telling her she stops me and tells me how much she loves my jacket.

#girls complimenting other girls 2015

👩‍❤️‍👩

SAY OUT LOUD EVERY NICE THOUGHT YOU HAVE

literally makes my day when girls compliment my clothes or hair or something i love it

fondue-me:

myself-wasneverenoughforme:

mscomrade:

opaldreamcave:

I want to punch whoever came up with the phrase “the customer is always right” because the customer is wrong, like really fucking wrong, 97% of the time.

“I want the tacos with the hard shells”
Me:“ ma’am we don’t serve hard shell tacos. We have a soft flour tortilla or soft corn tortilla”
“Oh. Then I want the corn. Those are the hard shell ones right?”
Me:“no, ma’am, we don’t serve hard shell tacos. We have flour or corn tortillas”
“Flour or corn? So…which ones are the hard ones?”
-.-.-.-
“Hey the lettuce from the salad bar doesn’t taste right.”
“Uh sir we don’t have a salad bar. That’s the decorative kale for our salsa bar. It’s not meant to be eaten”
“Well if it’s not meant to be eaten why are you serving it?!”
“Sir, it’s decorative. We aren’t serving it.”
-.-.-.-
“What’s this extra charge on my receipt? Why are you charging me extra? I demand to talk to a manager!!”
“Sir that’s the tax, it’s 5% in our state.”
“No you’re trying to steal from me, I’ll have you fired!”
“Sir, it says right there that it’s the tax.”
-.-.-.-

Good god the list could go on forever

“Are these bananas locally grown?”

“We are in Michigan.”