pokemon go is actually helping mentally ill youth!! kids with depression are going out!! teens with anxiety are smiling at strangers!! even i felt happy today!! pokemon go is a blessing!!
Recently I’ve seen lot of posts where McGonagall freaks out when Harry’s
children start Hogwarts and I know it sounds funny but it really bothers me
that some people think this is something she would do.
Let’s just remember that
she:
– fought and survived THREE wars.
– had to deal with the marauders AND Voldemort’s inner circle when they were
young.
– kept the Weasley twins at bay.
– perfectly managed a school full of teenagers when every year a psychopath
tried to kill Harry.
– had to bury most of her dearest and brilliant students.
– had to deal with the fact she is one of the main reasons why the Death Eaters
were really good, she taught them well and then used this knowledge to kill.
– spent months living in constant mortal peril when Snape was headmaster and
never cared about her safety, her main concern were her students.
– HAD TO ALWAYS FIX DUMBLEDORK STUPID MISTAKES BECAUSE HE HAD NO CLUE ABOUT HOW
TO MANAGE A SCHOOL AND ALWAYS KEPT HER IN THE DARK UNTIL THE SHIT HIT FAN THEN
IT WAS HER RESPONSABILITY TO SAVE THE DAY.
– was only “defeated” once and it was because she was fighting
against FOUR Aurors when they tried to arrest Hagrid.
– was feared and respected even by the Death Eaters and the corrupted Ministry
of Magic.
– classy dealt with Dolores Umbridge even when her career was in danger.
Do you really think she would be scared
of a bunch of kids just for their last name?!
Come on! She will be like “Finally! I was getting
really bored”.
Those children are so not ready for
Minerva “McBadass” McGonagall.
McGonagall’s wand is made of fir which is literally called “the survivor’s wand” (x). Even her wand knows that nobody fucks with McGonagall. Remember that time she took multiple Stunning Spells to the chest that should have killed her?
Hogwarts freshmen be like: Excuse me, um, ma’am yes I have a question. Um. Don’t only the witches ride the brooms? I mean – I’m not, y’know. I’m just saying.
Hogwarts freshmen 2: [with a lisp] leviosa! I, no, I have – I have a lisp. I can’t really pronounce things. [still with a lisp] Leviosa! I-I’m trying.
Hogwarts freshmen 3: Now you said the bathrooms were three doors down on your right, right? Well there’s a three headed dog in there. I’m not sure if that’s the ladies room or whatev. Why don’t we have maps?
Hogwarts freshmen 4: waitlisted: Are y’all gonna get anymore owls? Because I mean, yeah, see, he’s too tiny and he’s not as fast – he’s not as cool as, you know, the other owls.
Hogwarts freshmen 5: Hi, do y’all have regular skittles? I mean, I bought some yesterday and all of them turned into birds. I just want REGULAR SKITTLES.
you can rest easy knowing hedwig was well looked after in the afterlife; it was confusing and terrifying and sad at first but a little while after arriving she felt a light weight on her head and looked up to find her boy, harry potter, staring warmly down at her and smoothing out her feathers, just like he always did
except… he had hazel eyes? and he looked a bit older than hedwig remembered, and who was that red-haired woman with him?
hedwig is confused again. but harry is here, and all is well, so she tucks her head under her wing and falls fast asleep.
Kinda wanna be a Bond Girl, kinda also wanna be James Bond
Both. Both is good.
PICTURE THIS:
A new actor has taken over the reigns of suave MI6 agent in a bespoke tux. We open as he yells into his coms trying to get an extraction for him and the woman he’s fleeing with. She seems to be handling the stairs really well for someone in hand-beaded couture that didn’t stop to take off her 5 inch heels, the audience has already accepted it because it’s a Bond movie.
They reach the roof where they see that their extraction is still too far off. The man immediately turns back to shoot at their pursuers, he manages to take out the evil henchman but then little does he know, the villain has decided to make an appearance THIS EARLY IN THE FILM. Our agent takes two to the chest and goes down for the count.
Every genre savvy person in the theater is convinced that there is no way a Bond Girl played by an unknown newcomer is going to make it past the cold open. She is unarmed and appropriately terrified and attempts to placate the villain, her ex, just long enough for him to get close enough to monologue something both sinister and douchey. He moves to cup her face, gloating, savoring his victory when she rips the weapon out of his hand and subdues him in three moves. Pressing her heel into his neck she trains the gun on him and checks her watch as the sound of helicopter blades grow louder. She looks down at him, stonefaced but just a little pleased with herself.
“Who the hell are you?”
“Bond. James Bond.”
Her gun-toting, evening gown-wearing silhouette is bathed in the helicopter light as rises past the roof of the building.
misterjazzmaster 