zackisontumblr:

person: oh i don’t really look at social media that much
me: i just listened to 13 minutes of ‘love me like you do’ by ellie goulding because i was distracted by my social media

stagmachine:

ladycaracas:

in skyrim you can eat a bee

you can eat a bee irl if you are not a wiener

phanphaneverywhere:

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

PINOF7 CAN AND WILL BE DROPPED AT ANY MOMENT THE ENTIRE MONTH

WHEN WE LEAST EXPECT IT

BE ALERT AT ALL TIMES

KEEP REFRESHING TWITTER

WE 

MUST

BE

PREPARED

today-ifuckedup:

Went to fancy movie theater with date. Decide to buy a bottle of wine. Go back to bar. Ask for two glasses. Bartender says he needs two ID’s. I’m too lazy to go back to seats to grab dates ID. Tell him I’m alone and was embarrassed to ask for just one glass. He is clearly sympathetic. Idiot me then tries to sell the story and continue on about how lonely I’ve been recently. He tells me he’s off in a few minutes and insists on watching the movie with me. I try to fight it but I could only argue so much without giving away the truth. Bartender is insistent. I text my date what’s happening. Go back to theater with my new date. Sit a few rows in front of my first date. She has the stupidest grin on her face as me and the bartender (Jared) sit a couple rows in front of her. He ends up being super cool and bought me and him another bottle during the movie. Movie ends. I thank him for his gesture. He didn’t even ask for my number or anything. I think Jared was just a genuine guy trying to comfort someone. Met back up with my date in the parking lot and thankfully she found the whole thing hilarious.

I don’t deserve Jared.

–thebassoe

behold-munro:

randomfandomteacher:

slufflepuff:

people who aren’t at least mildly obsessed with something are hard to buy gifts for

word the the wise: don’t hide your obsessions; all you get is soap/candles.

Which is great if your secret obsessions are soap and candles.